I can show you how! And why it’s so important
“I can’t be happy alone, I just can’t. I need to just find someone!” How many times have you thought this, said this, or heard someone else say it? It’s so easy to convince yourself that this is true, especially when there are so many things around you that will support you in this. Your family and friends, society as a whole, social media, rom coms, fairytales and jewelry ads. And it’s hard to find the support to just be happy on your own, isn’t it? Not to mention the fears that surround being alone, the loneliness (perceived or real), and the apprehension about shifting your focus off of dating and onto yourself. It’s hard to even find good examples of single women who are happily rocking their singlehood. But we’re out there and we’re here for you, too. What if I told you I could show you how to be happy single and how to get over the fear, loneliness and apprehension? What if I told you I could also show you why it’s so important to do this, whether you ultimately want a relationship or not? Interested? Then read on, my single-girl friend!
Ah, the allure of the dating app
Have you tried in the past to focus on yourself and just be happy on your own, only to go scrambling back to the dating apps? You’re not alone. When something has been a goal for so long and you’re in the habit of working toward it, it’s hard to just let it go, even for a little while. You feel like a failure and you fear that you’re not trying hard enough or that you’ve given up. But what if by “giving up” on the dating apps you’re actually strengthening your commitment to your goal? Your goal is happiness, right, even if ultimately you want to share that happiness with someone else? What if you gave up the dating apps, which are clearly not making you happy, and focused on finding happiness elsewhere? What if you focused on finding happiness in your career, your home, your relationships (friends and family), your pets, your interests, your community? Wouldn’t it be possible to build a happy life for yourself regardless of your relationship status and wouldn’t it be that much easier with your focus off of dating? So, if you took all that time and energy that you’re currently devoting to the dating apps and put it toward creating a happy life for yourself instead, doesn’t it stand to reason that you’d start feeling significantly happier than you are now and that you’d be significantly happier in the life you’ve created for yourself? Now, who does a happy, healthy person who’s ready for commitment choose to date? Another happy, healthy person!
Alone is lonely and I just can’t commit to that
You may not want to hear this, but loneliness is a state of mind. You choose to be lonely the same way you choose to be happy or angry or bored. It’s how two people can face the same weekend with no plans except to binge Netflix with the cat, and one is fearing the loneliness while the other can’t wait to dive in. That said, loneliness creeps into the mind of virtually everyone at one point or another. And focusing on planning a life for yourself with only you in it may sound like something that’s just too lonely to even face. Okay, so what if your fairy godmother showed up and told you that you weren’t going to find your person for another five years, or ten years, or maybe not even for twenty years? What would you do in the meantime? Wrap yourself in a blanket and will away the loneliness until your prince finally arrives? For five, ten or twenty years? No, of course not! You’d think about all the things you want to accomplish and all the things you want to do and all the changes you want to make in your life in the meantime. You wouldn’t waste all that time being lonely, you’d focus on your future happiness and make the absolute best of the time between now and then. You’d set your life up exactly how you want it and you’d rock that in-the-meantime life! Okay, so do it.
But if I shift my focus then I’ll never find someone!
When you redirect your energy onto a new path, it’s not that you give up following your old one, you just take a much-needed detour. You realize that your old path wasn’t leading you in the right direction, but that your new one will, and if you’re meant to find “the one” along the way on your new path, you still will. You don’t have to give up wanting that, you just have to take your focus off of it and onto your new path, which is you! I’ll give you a real world example. Have you ever stopped eating sugar for a while because you decided it was evil? It was tough to abandon your sugar path at first because it was so sweet (sorry, couldn’t resist), but after a while on your sugar-free path you realized you no longer NEEDED sugar? You didn’t stop wanting it from time to time, I mean, who doesn’t want dessert once in a while? But it no longer had control over you and you could take it or leave it? What an amazingly liberating experience to be free from the clutches of sugar! The same rings true for being free of obsessing over finding a mate. Once you start down your new path of self-discovery, start figuring out who you are and what kind of life you want for yourself, and start creating that life, your old path will no longer have a hold over you. Your old path is like a sugar addiction and once you’re free of it you’ll also have the freedom to CHOOSE exactly what you want in life, including the right person!
Now you see how to get past the fear of shifting your focus off of dating and onto yourself. You also now know where loneliness comes from (your own head!) and how to get past it or even the anticipation of it. You can also see how shifting your focus won’t preclude you from finding someone in the long run and will actually even help you. I’ve shown you how you can shift your focus, without fear or loneliness, so that you CAN be happy on your own!
Need more help getting past your fears and shifting your focus so that you can create your happiest, best life right now? Get my signature free download, the “How to be Happy Alone Road Map” that will guide you through, step by step, and provide continued guidance, encouragement and support. For additional support from women who are going through the same thing right now, shoot me an email firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll send you the details of my Group Coaching Program!
I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.
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