Single tree standing on its own

The Freedom of Living the Single Life

How to rock your singledom by recognizing your power!

For so many of us, the activities that we do outside of work, sleep, and other “necessaries” have been determined for us by someone else.  When we were children they tended to be defined by our parents and families.  Whatever our families did we tended to do.  As we got older we started to branch out and discover other things that interested us.  Maybe a friend taught us how to ski or a teacher introduced us to the joy of reading the classics.  Then we started dating and a lot of us let our activities be defined by that relationship.  Let’s face it, even if someone else’s activities are not being forced upon you or you’re not claiming someone else’s recreational identity as your own, a relationship works much better when the two people involved like to do a majority of the same things.  So, you tend to do those things a lot and spend less time branching out on your own.  As a lucky single girl, you get to decide what, where, when and how, and you don’t need anyone else to do the things you like to do and rock your single life!

Find your recreational genius

So, what is it you like to do?  Do you spend a significant amount of your free time doing these things or do you sit at home because you think you have no one to do things with?  Chances are you spend at least some of your free time doing at least some of the things you like to do and you probably keep those things going pretty well.  What about the things you’d like to do that you’re not currently doing?  I invite you to make a list of the things you like to do that you’re currently doing and another list of things you’d like to do that you are not currently doing.  Then list the reasons you’re not currently doing those things.  Do you dream of traveling the world, but you can never find anyone to travel with and you’re scared to do it alone?  Or maybe you think that traveling alone will be boring or sad (or dangerous!) because you have no one to share it with?  Are you interested in honing your cooking skills, but think there’s no point in cooking for one?  Or are you keeping yourself from trying that new activity because you don’t know anyone else who does it and you don’t know how to get started?  You don’t want to get to the end of your life with a bucket list full of unfulfilled activities because you waited around for someone to do them with and that person never came along.

Become a joiner

The best way to get started with a new activity is to take a class or get involved with a group who does that activity.  Want to learn to rock climb?  Take a class at your local gym’s climbing wall.  Want to start hiking?  Find a hiking group that plans hikes a couple times a week.  Want to learn to roll sushi?  Take a class at your local cooking school.  For any activity in which you’re interested, there’s a class or group out there, or both.  I learned to scuba dive because friends of mine were going on a trip to Mexico and I was the only one who wasn’t certified.  After that trip I wanted to keep diving, but my dive friends had scattered, so that’s when I signed up for a group trip all by myself.  While I was nervous to go at first, I ended up having so much fun and made so many new friends who have become an important part of my life.

I realize that finding classes and groups is more difficult if you live in a smaller community.  I live in a larger city and have most everything available to me, so it’s easier.  If you live in a smaller town, you may just have to focus your list on those things that are more readily available to you or you may have to travel a bit to find what you’re looking for.  If I were to move to a small town I would find the nearest dive shop and book trips with them, even if that shop were 200 miles away.  All I would have to do is drive that 200 miles on the day of the trip and meet up with the rest of the group at the airport.  If there’s a strong desire to do something, then there’s a way to get it done.  Especially with the advent of the Internet.  You can connect to a group of like-minded people anywhere now.  Your singleness shouldn’t be a detriment to doing these things, it should actually be an asset.  You won’t have anyone else holding you back because they’re not interested in your activity of choice.  You won’t have anyone saying that you can’t spend money on dive equipment because diving is silly.  You won’t have anyone refusing to drive 200 miles to the airport to meet up with the dive group.  You get to do what you want, everything that you want, and the only person that can hold you back is you.

Spending time with YOU!

Your happiness as a single woman depends largely on your ability to enjoy your own company and enjoying your own company is a skill that requires practice.  In other words, you’re not going to become a pro at spending time or doing things on your own the first time you do it.  It’s going to feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, but you’ll get through it.  And the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it and the more comfortable it’ll feel.  Doing the things that you love to do on your own makes your alone time much more enjoyable than does sitting on the couch rolled up in a ball under your blankie thinking about how lonely you are.  For most of the activities any of us is looking to do, you don’t need another person to do them with you, you just need the strength to do them on your own and trust me, single girl, you’ve got the strength.  Which is worse – feeling a little awkward going to the movies by yourself or missing that blockbuster hit that everyone’s talking about?  Struggling to change your flattened bike tire on the trail by yourself or missing out on that incredible mountain view?  Booking that solo trip to Italy where the only words you know are spaghetti, ravioli and gelato or living out your life listening to other people’s stories of their trips there?  In order to be who you really want to be and live your best life, you’ve got to do the things that you really want to do.

Take advantage of the freedom and power of the single life

There’s no time like the present to get started.  The longer you wait, the less time you have to enjoy your new, activity-filled life.  Accept your single-girl power and relish the freedom you have to make your own choices.  Keep in mind that you’re not the only single girl out there who’s venturing out on her own.  Even on your own, you’re in good company, so make your list and get moving!

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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