The Biggest Secret to Getting Happy Single

You have all the power and you don’t even know it.

Just when you think you might actually be able to be happy on your own, you find out that your best friends (all couples) are going on a weekend getaway together and have conveniently left you out because, alas, you’re SINGLE!  I feel your pain because I’ve been there.  Up come the thoughts of inadequacy and shame.  Not to mention the anger and resentment.  But mostly you feel short-changed.  Why is everyone else in a couple and you’re all by yourself?  What’s wrong with you?  What did you do wrong in a previous life?  You just want to be like everyone else and never miss out on a couples’ weekend ever again!  What if I told you that your thoughts are controlling your happiness right now, not your lack of significant other or missing invitation to a couples’ weekend?  Are you ready to learn how to live your happiest life regardless of your relationship status?  Changing my thinking about what it was to be single was the first step I took in getting happy on my own.  Read on to find out how to relieve your anxiety, take control of your thoughts, and kick the haters to the curb.  Regardless of what state your current thinking is in, you can take control of your thoughts to live your happiest life right now!

Life is what you think it is

You know the saying, “Life is what you make it?”  Really, it should be, “Life is what you think it.”  Like when you feel like life is going along pretty well and all of a sudden it hits you – you’re alone!  You thought you were doing okay, but then you realize there’s a big, sinking hole in your life and it must be your lack of a romantic relationship.  I used to hate this stomach-twisting feeling!  What you don’t realize is that the sinking hole isn’t your lack of a plus one, it’s your own thinking!  Your own thoughts are what can put your happy mood into a tailspin and make you believe that something is missing in your life.  How can this be?  Why would you do this to yourself?  Well, no one consciously says to themselves, “I’m going to make my life miserable with my own thoughts.”  It just happens.  Your thoughts are on autopilot most of the time and whatever you’ve thought over and over again, which has become a belief for you, is what’s always going to come back around.  It’s how two people can experience the exact same situation and feel two totally different ways about it.  For example, right now it’s snowing outside.  I think this is great because I love snow, but someone who doesn’t like snow probably thinks it sucks.  It’s our thoughts that are determining how we feel about the snow, not the snow itself.  Do you see how powerful your thoughts are?  They may even lead you to believe that you don’t want to be happy single, you just want to find someone (like you’re supposed to) and be done with it.  This thinking leads to a pretty miserable life up until you find that someone and almost guarantees you won’t choose that someone well, which will certainly lead to even more misery.  Wouldn’t it be easier to think (believe!) that you can be happy no matter what?  And what if you also surrounded yourself with people who supported this and were maybe even doing the same thing?  You have the power to change your life just by changing your thinking, you just have to realize it and do it.

Conquer your thoughts to change your life

Here’s some really good news for you.  In order to be happy on your own, all you have to do is change your thinking about what it means to be single.  You don’t have to change your life at all, just your thinking.  Let that sink in a minute.  You don’t have to change your life to be happy, you just have to change what you think about your life.  And you can think anything you want.  Did you know that?  Just because people tell you what to think, what to believe, and what you SHOULD want, doesn’t mean you have to listen!  Most of the time we go through life following a script that someone else, or a lot of someone elses, has written for us, and we don’t even realize it.  You’re an adult!  You have the power to choose your thoughts and be happy with any life you’re living.  If you’ve never considered this before, it may sound completely daunting.  But it’s not.  Other people have done it.  Other people are doing it right now, and it may help to connect with those people even if you think you can get happy on your own.  No one ever took on a big challenge and had less success because they got some encouragement and support!  You CAN change your thoughts and change your life.  Every time you think a negative thought about being single, like, “There’s something wrong with me because I can’t find someone,” instead think something like, “I’m happy with who I am and if I don’t like something about myself then I’ll change it on my own terms!”  If you start changing your negative thoughts about being single to positive ones, you’ll be amazed at how much better your life gets without you having to change a single thing about it (pardon the pun)!

Give the haters a 1-2 punch

Changing your thoughts to change your life is easier said than done, right?  Of course it is, just like most things in life.  And it’s made even more difficult by people who want you to think that there’s something wrong with being single or that you SHOULD want a relationship, any relationship.  They want you to settle or stop being so picky (don’t get me started on this one!), and sometimes they actually revel in flaunting their married life in your face.  No one who’s truly happy in their marriage or relationship ever wanted anyone else to feel bad because they’re not in a relationship.  If people do want you to feel “less than, it’s due to their own thinking and their own agenda for you, which it turns out doesn’t really have anything to do with you.  So if you’re feeling like you just can’t do it, you can’t be happy on your own because you’re getting too much pressure from family, friends and society as a whole to hurry up and find someone already, remember that people who truly love you or care about you will want you to be happy no matter what.  You can be happy on your own!  Regardless of what friends and family may think.  Surrounding yourself with people who are on the same journey you’re on and are supportive of what you’re doing is a good way to limit your exposure to people who want to try to make you feel bad about being single.  Remember that no one can make you think any way you don’t want to think.  You have all the power over… YOU!

There you have it!  My go-to ways to ensure you start living a truly happy life right now as a single woman without having to change a single thing about your life.  All you have to do is change your thoughts and beliefs.  You now have the tools to recognize your own negative thoughts, change those thoughts, and deal with the negative thinking of others.  I’m so excited for you to start changing your thinking and changing your life as I did with mine!

Wondering where you can get help changing your thoughts?  Get my free “Change Any Thought Worksheet” that will guide you through, step by step, and provide continued guidance, encouragement and support.  You can start right now to live your happiest, best life, no relationship required!

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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