How to change your single mindset to one that serves you.
Last week we talked about what a mindset is, where it comes from, taking responsibility for it, and accepting that you have the power to change it. I hope you downloaded your freebie worksheet, and got all of your thoughts and beliefs down on paper. If you missed it, you can get it right here. This week we’re going to talk about taking your mindset and changing it up so that it serves you better. I’m sure you came up with some negative thoughts and beliefs while you were going through the worksheet, or if you didn’t use the worksheet you can at least identify some negative thoughts you have about being single that are holding you back. These thoughts are called “limiting beliefs” and they can quite literally keep you (limit you) from getting the life you really want. Limiting beliefs put you in a state called “scarcity mindset.” Oh, jeez, what the heck is that?!
If you’re always thinking about all of the things you don’t have and all of the ways your life is lacking, then you’re just going to get more of that lack. This is scarcity mindset. It assumes that there are all of these things missing in your life and that your life is somehow “less than.” If what you’ve been focusing on is the lack in your life – lack of love, lack of happiness, lack of a Lexus – then your life will be full of exactly that. What you focus on you create more of. This is why getting your mindset right is so important. If you focus on how you don’t have a boyfriend, you’re not like everyone else, and you’re alone and lonely, you’re just going to get more of that, even if it shows up in different ways like the wrong person coming into your life. You’ve got to get your mindset into a positive state of abundance before you can expect anything else in your life to change for the better. We tend to focus on what’s missing in our lives because those are the things we’re trying to fix. You’re not trying to fix the good things so you take them for granted instead of focusing more of your attention on them and putting yourself in a state of gratitude and abundance.
Changing your mindset to combat limiting beliefs
So, how do you get rid of your limiting beliefs and change your scarcity mindset to one of abundance? Remember that the outcomes you have in your life are determined by the actions you take. The actions you take are based on the emotions you have. And the emotions you have come from your thoughts and beliefs. So, if you change your thoughts, you cause new emotions within yourself, which in turn cause you to take different actions in your life, and those actions create your very life. In other words, your thoughts lead to what you create in your life by way of your emotions which trigger your actions.
Thought/Belief –> Emotion –> Action –> Outcome (your life!)
While this may sound scary, it’s actually brilliant! Since thoughts are a choice and can be changed to whatever you want them to be, so can your life. Woo-hoo! A lot of times we think that the things that have happened to us in our lives or the things that are just a certain way and can’t be changed (circumstances) are the things that dictate our lives. But what’s really going on here are the thoughts and feelings we have about these circumstances. It’s not the circumstance, it’s the thoughts you have about that circumstance. Once you understand that you have the power to change your thoughts, you also realize that you have the power to change your life. No situation can keep you from finding your bliss. This means that even if you’re single for the rest of your life (a circumstance), you can still be as happy as humanly possible. Whew! Right?
Creating Your New Mindset
What you need to do is take every negative, limiting belief you have about being single or about yourself and change it to a positive one. I know, I know, it’s not so easy to just change your thoughts, but there’s a simple framework you can put each thought into and then reverse-engineer that thought to come up with a better one that serves you. You start by identifying the outcome you’d like to have, then determining the action you’d have to take to get that outcome, then determining how you’d have to feel in order to take that action (what emotion you’d have to experience), then identify what thought you’d have to think to create that emotion. I’ll give you an example. Let’s say I believe I must be unlovable because I’m still single. We have the situation of, “I’m single.” That’s neither good nor bad until I apply a thought to it. The thought would be, “I’m unlovable.” The emotion that thought might make me feel is one of inadequacy, “I’m not good enough.” Feeling that I’m not good enough is liable to cause the action of me going out with someone who’s not good for me. When I go out with someone who’s not good for me, it creates the outcome of being stuck in a bad relationship, which very likely just creates more thoughts of, “I’m unlovable,” and “I’m not good enough.” Do you see how you can get stuck in this vicious cycle? Now, let’s reverse engineer this thought.
First, what outcome would I rather have? I’d rather find a good relationship than a bad one, right? So, what action would I have to take to find that relationship? Well, I’d have to go out with a good guy. And what emotion would I have to feel to go out with someone who’s good for me? I’d have to feel confident. And what thought would I have to think to feel confident? It’s not, “I’m unlovable,” it’s something more like, “I’m the bomb and I deserve a really great guy!” See, the situation of me being single hasn’t changed, it’s just how I think and feel about my singleness that has. You can reverse-engineer any thought and I’ve created a wonderful cheat sheet for you that walks you through this process.
Do you want this or do you want THIS?
Reverse-engineering your thoughts to create a new belief system about yourself as a single woman is not easy, but will align so much better with the life you actually have. You’ll stop fighting your singleness and start making it work for you. What you think about and focus on influences your life, and places your order with the Universe for either scarcity and lack or for abundance. What are your current thoughts putting out there into the Universe? You gotta place your order and you gotta do it right. The Universe is like a computer – you tell it what you’re looking for and it will give it to you, but just like a computer you have to tell it exactly what you want in the right way, otherwise you’ll find yourself in a garbage in/garbage out situation. You place your order with the positive mindset you create.
Get your mindset right by reverse-engineering your thoughts. Get your “Change Any Thought” free cheat sheet and place your exact right order with the Universe.
I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.
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