Living Alone Doesn’t Mean Living Without

You don’t have to wait til you have the man of your dreams to have the home of your dreams!

So often we single women settle.  We settle for less than the life we truly want.  We settle for less than the career we want, the lifestyle we want, and the home we want.  We’re afraid to give up our stable but soul-crushing job to start our dream business because our job pays the bills.  We spend hours online looking at photos of the places we’d like to visit, but we never go there because we don’t have anyone to go with.  And we don’t bother to find the home that we want and then make it our own because we’re waiting until we find our perfect partner first.  All these actions get you is a whole lot of longing and not a whole lot of enjoying.  It’s time to realize that being alone and living alone don’t mean living “less than.”

Stop waiting and start decorating!

“I’m single, you think, so why should I care what my home looks like?  I’m the only one living there and I really don’t mind all the hand-me-down furniture I’ve collected over the years – it was free!  And that ugly recliner my ex just had to have and then conveniently left behind?  I mean, it’s comfortable.  Plus, someone will come along one of these days and then we’ll start our home together.  I better just wait for that.”  The problem is that you don’t know when (or even if) that person is going to come along and instead you’re taking your time spent living alone and turning it into a big, long waiting game.  Where’s the fun in that?  Girl, please!

As single women we tend to do a lot of waiting.  Waiting for the right man to come along, waiting to buy a house until that man comes along, waiting to decorate because we’d rather be purchasing things for a home that’s “ours” instead of one that’s “mine.”  And what if we don’t have the same taste?  Better to wait and see what our style is together rather than jump the gun and fill a home with things he’s not going to like.  I did this for years.  I would stand there in Crate & Barrel looking at the wall of wine glasses and wondering, “Will he be a white wine drinker or red?”  “Will he prefer stemless or stemmed?”  “Yikes, what if he doesn’t drink wine at all?!”  “I better go look at the tableware patterns instead.”  But I’ve always had a home, whether it was an apartment, a townhome or a full-fledged house, I’ve always had a place to call my own.  It just took some time before I really started making it my own.

Your whole house is your “room”

The beauty of designing and decorating for a single person is that your entire home is your “room.”  Remember as a kid when you had your own room and it was sacred?  You were probably allowed to decorate that one room any way you wanted.  Within reason, anyway.  That room was yours and only yours, and it was the only room in the house that was truly yours, so you wallpapered it with Rob Lowe posters and no one could say a thing about it.  Now that you’re a grown-up, if you’re single and living alone, your whole house is one big canvas just waiting for a Rob Lowe treatment.  I actually hope you’re over your Rob Lowe phase, but I want you to treat your home décor with the same respect and care that you once treated your room decor, and make it truly yours.

Now that you’re an adult and you have a whole place to yourself, whether it be a small studio apartment or a huge, 5-bedroom house, you get to decorate it any way you want!  Why in the world would you wait to do this?  Plus, if you think about it, this may be your only chance in life to decorate a home just for you.  If you do meet someone someday and choose to live together, you’re going to have to take into consideration his style, taste, and the things he already owns and cherishes, like his giant Velvet Elvis or his carefully mounted bottle cap collection from college.  Right now it’s all about you, baby!  I’ve been single to one degree or another for a long time, but I also used to be a professional interior designer, so I understand how personal a single person’s home is for them.  Why not use this time to create a sanctuary that’s just for you, just as you did in your room when you were a kid?

Living alone and don’t know where to start?

First of all, you have to stop waiting in your head for him to come along and wondering what he’ll like.  What do YOU like?  What style is truly YOURS and reflects the way YOU live?  This also applies to those of us who’ve been married and are still living with the same furniture and décor we had when we were married.  It’s time to wash that (ex) man right out of your hair and start over with yourself.  There’s all kinds of help online to get you to figure out what your style is and what you like and don’t like.  Since you can quickly purchase online just about everything you see these days, too, you shouldn’t be stumped about where to get things.  There are all sorts of discount outlets, like Wayfair and Overstock, if you’re on a budget and I’ve actually personally had good luck purchasing through these sites.

You also need to think about how you use your home.  If you have a formal dining room and have no plans whatsoever to ever have a dinner party, maybe that room would be better used as an office.  Or that fourth bedroom that you don’t need could become a fitness room or a reading nook.  Think about how you live and what you need in your dream space, and make your rooms work for you and only you.  Think about your favorite colors, patterns, textures and materials.  Think about the items that bring you joy and comfort.  If you still struggle to define your space and put it all together, seek the help of a professional interior designer.  This doesn’t have to be crazy expensive.  I still offer design consultations because I just can’t give up the design world completely, and I charge a one-time flat fee to help people figure it all out.  It takes a couple of hours and I come up with a plan for them that they can then execute on their own, in their own time and on their own budget.  I’m betting you can find someone in your area who will do this for you, too.  Don’t forget to let them know that you’re creating a one-of-a-kind sanctuary just for you!

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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