Live for Yourself

 Start Living the Life You want Right Now!

Seems like there’s been a lot of talk in my circles lately about single women putting their lives on hold.  Maybe it’s because we all have our lives on hold a little bit right now, but it has more to do with waiting until their perfect partner comes along.  As single women, a lot of us put our lives on hold until Prince Charming comes galloping up on his mighty steed and gives us that kiss that changes everything for the better.  As if having what we want in life can only happen if someone comes along to give it to us.  Since none of us can predict the future, it’s time to start living for yourself right now, not in an indeterminate amount of time when a particular event may or may not happen.  I mean, really?

The future doesn’t exist right now, only right now exists right now

I had a single friend who really wanted to buy a house, but she bought a townhome instead, saying that she’d buy a house when her husband came along because they would do that together.  “But you really want a house, right, not a townhome?” I asked.  “Yes.”  “And you’re already annoyed at the neighbor noise you can hear coming through the walls?”  “Yes.”  “So, why don’t you just buy a house already?”  “Because it’s something I want to do with my husband, not by myself.”  “So, you don’t want to be happy with your living situation until (if!) you have a husband?  Uhhh…”

Putting your happiness on hold until you have someone in your life is a dangerous proposition.  First, it says that you don’t believe you can have the happiness that you want unless you have someone.  Second, you’re telling yourself that you’re not worth the happiness that you want until someone comes along.  And third, what if no one ever does?  Now, it’s unlikely that you’ll never meet another potential suitor ever again, but what if the RIGHT one never comes along?  Are you going to continue to live in that townhome with the base from your neighbor’s stereo about to drum you into a murderous rage, or are you going to have the life you want to have right now, regardless of your relationship status on Facebook?

You’re not half of a whole, you’re whole all on your own

Being single doesn’t make you less of a person and it doesn’t doom you to a life of less than what you truly want.  Anything you want you can have as a single person and you do not need to put anything on hold.  You want a house?  Buy a house!  You don’t want to do the yard work?  Hire the kid down the street.  You want a baby, have one.  Or better yet, adopt one.  There are so many lovable kids out there just waiting for a wonderful home like yours.  Plus, then you don’t have to be pregnant and turn your body inside out.  Unless you want to.  Not here to judge nature.

So often we have these images in our minds of how we want things to be.  We want a house, but we want it with HIM.  We want kids, but we want HIM in the family photos.  We want to throw parties, but we want HIM to entertain the guests while we replenish the toast points.  These images are ideal, no doubt, but they’re not real for us right now.  When we start to create new images in our heads of how life can be, based on our current reality, we can come up with some pretty satisfying stuff.

Rewrite your story

Before I embarked on my journey to Single Girl Bliss, I literally sat down and wrote out what my IDEAL life looked like.  It went something like this.  I start my own business with the help of my loving husband, who also pays the bills while I’m getting things off the ground.  Once established, we buy our dream home together, where we live in wedded bliss.  We furnish it with beautiful pieces that we both love and we entertain on a regular basis.  We also travel several times a year and have the most wonderful time together.  He makes sure there are always fresh flowers on the table for me.  Not to mention all the jewelry he lavishes upon me every chance he gets.

Then I rewrote the story, this time taking into consideration what was REAL for me RIGHT NOW.  I start my own business with the help of a friend and while I struggle to make ends meet at first, it makes the journey all the more rewarding.  I buy my dream home, which is perfect just for me and the cats, and furnish it with beautiful pieces that have meaning for me.  I start entertaining in my home, too.  I start small, with just a few people, and eventually throw larger parties, enlisting the help of friends when necessary.  I travel several times a year, either with friends or on my own, and my experiences have been some of the best of my life.  I purchase fresh flowers for myself and enjoy picking out something new every week.  I’m not that into jewelry anyway.

Live for yourself

And just like that I realized that it’s totally possible to have the life of my dreams all on my own.  Being blissfully single doesn’t have to be about giving up on the possibility of romantic love ever coming your way, but it does have to be about you living the life you want right now and not waiting for someone to bring your ideal life to you.  I once met a lady who was down in the dumps because she just couldn’t find a boyfriend.  I decided I would do my best to help, so I asked her what she was looking for.  She started rattling off her wish list and then she said, “I want someone who plays golf.”  “Oh, so you’re a golfer?” I asked.  “No, but I want someone who plays golf.”  “Well, do you have any interest in golf?  Do you want to learn to play?”  “I think so.  After he comes along.”  Whaaat?!  If you’re interested in golf and you want to learn to play, why are you waiting for a golfer to come along before you do it?  You can take lessons and join a ladies league all on your own.  And when your golfer does come around, won’t he be even more interested in someone who already plays and shares that interest with him?

Think of your single life like a vacation.  Do you sit in the hotel room the whole time or do you get out there and do everything there is to do?  While it may be scary to try new things on your own, especially if you’ve never done them before and have no idea if you’ll be any good at them, it’s also extremely liberating to know that you have the option.  You don’t have to wait for a man to come along and help you.  Find a friend who’s into what you’re interested in doing and ask her to help you get started.  Find a club that welcomes beginners and offers instruction and support.  Put on your big girl panties, and get out of that hotel room and onto the zip-line.  There are so many things to experience in life and the last thing you want to do is experience years of waiting for those experiences to happen.

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

Single Girl Bliss Book Cover

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