life-on-my-own-is-too-hard

Life on my Own is too Hard

Nothing is Insurmountable When You Have a Plan!

Have you read the new Marie Forleo book, “Everything is Figureoutable?”  I haven’t yet, but I plan to in the near future.  When I first heard this title I was so excited because I recently adopted this principle and try to live my life by it every day.  While some things in life are more difficult to deal with than others, there is nothing that you can’t get through, including being single for a long time or potentially for the rest of your life.  All it takes is some planning.  I know this doesn’t sound like a solution or maybe sounds really, really boring if you’re not the planning type, but stay with me and I’ll show you what I mean.  I promise it’s neither boring nor difficult!

I NEEEEED someone to take care of me!

There’s no doubt that certain things in life are easier when you have someone to lean on.  The most common complaints about being single that I get from my coaching clients are:

“There’s no one to take care of me financially.”

“There’s no one to do the “guy stuff” around the house.”

“There’s no one to comfort me at the end of the day.”

“There’s no one to do things with.”

“Society looks down on single people.”

While it’s true that these things are more of a challenge when you’re single, a change in mindset will help you see that you can deal with them just fine.  Instead of thinking the thoughts above, you could think:

“This is not the 1950’s.  I can take care of myself financially just fine.”

“I have a [dad, brother, cousin, friend, neighbor] who can help me with things I’ve never done before or am not physically strong enough to do.  I can always hire someone, too.”

“If I need comfort at the end of the day I can comfort myself.  If that’s not enough, I have a pet.  If I need human comfort I can call my [mom, sister, cousin, bff, other friend] and get what I need emotionally.”

“It’s time to try doing things on my own.  I may just like it.  If there are things I can’t stand doing on my own then I can ask a friend or family member to do them with me.”

“Society looks down on a lot of things.  Does that make it right?  Just because being part of a couple is a social norm doesn’t mean it has to be that way for everyone.  Single people are stronger because they’re doin’ it on their own!”

There’s no guarantee that you would resolve any of the dilemmas above just by getting into a relationship, anyway.  I know plenty of women who are the major breadwinners in their relationships because their husbands barely make enough to cover the mortgage.  I know women who have to do the “guy stuff” around the house themselves because their husbands aren’t handy.  I know women whose husbands are not good at providing comfort, and don’t like to do the same things they like to do or don’t like to do things at all.  Just being in a relationship is no guarantee that you’ll fill those little voids you think can only be resolved by “having someone.”

You don’t NEEEEED someone to take care you, you need a plan instead

One of the biggest mindset shifts I had to go through in my transformation from miserably searching for someone to be with, to thriving on my own as a blissful single girl, was the notion that I couldn’t get ahead financially on my own.  That I couldn’t start the business I wanted to start because I had no one else to pay the bills while I got it off the ground.  I grew up in a household where my dad worked and earned the money and my mom stayed home.  In my mind, the man made the money and the woman could choose whether or not she wanted to work, whether that work was full or part time, and what type of work it be.  I had proven that I could have a career and take care of myself financially 100%, but I couldn’t fathom quitting my job to strike out on my own with no financial support.  So, I put off my dream of having my own business until someone came along and married me.

Finally one day, I couldn’t take it any longer.  I was no closer to being married and having financial support than I ever had been and I was rotting away in a cubicle while my dream business went unstarted.  What I needed was financial support, but why did that have to come from a husband?  Couldn’t I provide my own financial support?  I shifted my mindset and made a plan.  I paid off my 5-year car note in 3.5 years by doubling the payments and then put that same amount of money each month into a savings account instead.  I decided on the amount I would need to feel secure enough to quit my job and set a target date for having that amount.  Before I knew it I had the money I needed to start my business.  I changed my thinking (mindset), made a plan, stuck to it, and got what I wanted despite being single and having no other income.  I created a second income for myself with my savings account.

But planning is so boring and restrictive

Hey, I get it.  Planning can be not a lot of fun.  I read a lot of business books and personal success books, and one of the things they all have in common is planning.  The importance of planning, whether it be for business purposes, to achieve a personal goal, or even just to get the house cleaned, is paramount to success.  If you don’t have a plan and leave everything to chance then you’re not likely to be successful.  When you’re in a bind you’re likely to either make a poor choice or not take any action at all.  When you have a plan then you know exactly how you’re going to deal with things beforehand and all you have to do is follow your plan.

Make a plan on how you’re going to get ahead financially.

Make a plan on how you’re going to get the “guy stuff” taken care of around the house.

Make a plan on who you’ll turn to for comfort and when.

Make a plan on what you want to do and who you’ll do those things with (maybe just you!).

Make a plan on how you’ll deal with societal pressures to couple up or people who look down on you for being single.

Do these action items sound boring and restrictive or do they sound proactive and liberating?  When you make a plan for yourself you free your mind from having to worry about those things.  You know what you’re going to do and how you’re going to do it, and when the situation arises all you have to do is execute your plan.

I’m here to help!

Changing your viewpoint about all the things you don’t have or can’t have when you’re single and making a plan for yourself and your life makes your life so much easier.  No longer will you believe that life on your own is too hard.  If you need help coming up with your plan, I’ve put together a free road map for you that will help you get from where you are now to where you want to be.  It’s the same exercise I went through to go from being miserably alone to happily thriving as a single woman and it works!  You can find it at lesliekaz.com/freebie.

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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