inspiration-for-those-living-alone

Inspiration for Those Living Alone

It’s Tough Living Alone Right Now, But Here’s Something to Think About!

I swore I wasn’t going to write a “how to weather the COVID-19 storm” blog post because it seems like every time I turn around I’m getting another email from another business letting me know how they’re dealing with COVID and giving me tips on how I should deal with it, too.  But I was inspired to write this post by a conversation I had yesterday with a friend of mine on whom I was checking in.  Her daughter is in the healthcare industry and works at a hospital so I was asking how she was doing.  She told me that her daughter is incredibly busy and exhausted (I bet!), but otherwise fine.  She then asked how I was doing.  I held back the truth a bit because that truth is that I’m doing great (more on that later).  But I told her that I was doing fine and asked her how she was doing.  She said that she was busy working from home, but was really looking forward to the weekend because she could just stay at home and relax without experiencing FOMO (fear of missing out).  There’s nothing going on out there so there’s nothing to miss out on.  Ha!  I never looked at it that way!

FOMO

This positive, no-FOMO attitude of my friend’s got me thinking about FOMO in general.  Do single people experience more FOMO than others?  I think we do.  Even when there’s no pandemic going on and we’re free to come and go as we please (who knew that would be a thing?), I think single people feel the pressure to be “out there” doing things all the time.  If we’re not then we’re missing out.  There’s no one at home to just hang out with, which feels like doing something because you’re with another person.  In my dating years I used to express it this way, “If you stay home on a Saturday night and watch movies with your significant other then you’re having a Movie Night.  If you stay home on a Saturday night by yourself and watch movies it’s because you couldn’t find anything better to do.”  The first scenario sounds like a fun evening in and the second one sounds like loser-ish drudgery.

My guess is also that single people stay at home more in general because there’s not that other person saying spontaneously, “Hey, wanna go do this?”  And there’s no one for you to say that, too, either.  When was the last time you said to yourself, “I feel like checking out that new art exhibit,” and then immediately put on your shoes, grabbed your purse and headed out the door?  If you’re in the practice of doing those kinds of things, kudos to you, but I’ll bet that most of us don’t.  And what does that lead to?  FOMO.  You assume that all the couples and/or families are out there doing things and you’re missing out at home by yourself.  What this pandemic has done for us single people is allow us to not feel bad for not being “out there.”  Cuz we’re not allowed to be out there and no one else is, either.

“I’ll stop the world and melt with you…” Modern English

Have you ever been so busy or so stressed out or so behind on things that you wished you could just stop the world for a period of time and get things under control?  I used to have this fantasy all the time, especially in school.  I’d have two exams that I hadn’t studied for and three papers due for which I hadn’t written a single word, and there was no way I was ever going to get it all done on time.  I used to wish that I could snap my fingers and freeze the entire world in place for a week or two, except for myself, of course.  Literally everyone would just freeze in whatever position they were in at the time.  You better hope you weren’t on the toilet or something.  Then I could get all caught up and snap my fingers when I was ready to resume.  This seemed like such a wonderful solution to my problem and it was nice to spend a little time within this fantasy before coming back down to earth.

This is our time!

Which leads me to why I’ve been doing so great being stuck at home alone during this crisis.  Obviously, no FOMO, but the main reason I’ve been doing so great with all of this is that I’m getting caught up on so many things and it’s doing wonders for my psyche.  While spending some time reveling in this, it hit me that my old “freeze the world” fantasy had come true!  During this time of sheltering in place and stay at home orders, with businesses being closed, flights being cancelled, and very few people out and about, the world has essentially stopped for a period of time.  Well, maybe it hasn’t stopped completely, but it’s certainly slowed way down.  Now, the reason it has done this is certainly a terrible one, and my thoughts are with those who’ve lost loved ones to this insidious virus.  But dwelling on it 24/7 doesn’t make things better and those who are healthy, and whose family and friends are healthy, too, owe it to ourselves to find the silver lining in all of this and make something positive out of it.   I’ve done this by taking advantage of the “frozen world” and getting caught up on work and home projects.  I don’t think I’ve ever been more productive and it’s because there isn’t anything distracting me.

Lessons learned

There has been so much talk going around about how tough this whole thing is for single people who live alone because you’re stuck in the house all by yourself, and that can get really boring and lonely.  Sure, it can, if you let it.  Now, if you’re like me you’re keeping yourself super busy so there’s no time to be bored or lonely, but you don’t really have to be keeping busy, you just have to be keeping in the right frame of mind.  You can look at any situation in many different ways, both positive and negative.  If you’re looking at the COVID shut down as a horrible thing that has happened to you and something that’s super depressing, then that’s what it’s going to be.  If you look at it as an opportunity to get projects done, read books, do a lot of cooking, catch up on TV shows, do some introspection and healing, plan a happy, new life for after this is all over, and practice spending quality time with yourself, then that’s what it’s going to be.  You can crawl in a hole and wallow in your loneliness, or you can take this no-FOMO period in time and make some good out of it.  The choice is yours!

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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