woman looking back over her shoulder with a knowing look on her face

How to not Settle for Someone

Believe it or not, you’re not required to do this!

“You’re too picky, you have to learn to settle.”  I heard this on a TV show the other day and I wanted to scream!  When you’re trying to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, there’s no such thing as “too picky!”  I mean, it’s the rest of your life we’re talking about here!  But women are so programmed to think that we must end up in a couple, that we’re willing to settle for something that’s not quite right or even downright bad, just to check that box off of life’s requirements.  This is especially true if you’ve reached a certain age, want children and feel your time is running out, everyone else in your circle is getting or has gotten married, or you’re just sick and tired of the dating scene.  What you may not realize is that none of these reasons is good enough to settle for someone and lead a mediocre life with that person.  Why not?  What’s wrong with accepting that no one’s perfect and just trying to make the best of things?  Isn’t that noble?  No, it actually does a disservice both to you and the person you’re settling for.  Why?  Because you have a choice.  You can choose to wait for the right person.  The one who’s not perfect, but is perfect for you!  You can choose to be happy on your own in the meantime and live your best life.  When you understand why you’re so eager to settle, why you’re so scared not to, and how to get past all of it, a whole new world will open up to you.  Here is my surefire plan to insure that you never consider settling ever again!

Life does not begin with a relationship

Growing up there was a certain order of things presented to me.  Grow up, get married, buy a house, have children.  What came after that is anybody’s guess, but it’s clear that the one thing that was supposed to kick off everything else in life was getting married.  Maybe you were raised this way, too, in which case you grew up believing that getting married was something that was supposed to happen early in your adult life.  You knew you’d better find someone quick and settle down so that you could get to the rest of your life!  This is a lot of pressure placed on you, causing a lot of fear that if you don’t actually find someone you won’t have much of a life at all.  So, what happens if Prince Charming’s horse refuses to move and it seems like it’s taking an inordinate amount of time for him to come galloping up?  That’s when you’re most likely to settle.  You know that you have to find someone before anything can happen, so you better just pick someone and go with it.  It’s the desperation to stop being alone and start living your “real” life that causes you to compromise yourself and accept settling.  When you realize that just because your parents, friends, society or whomever told you that you can’t have the life you want until you find someone to have it with doesn’t make it true, that’s when you can start living a full life on your own and know that you never have to settle!

Yes, you can truly be happy single, even if you don’t believe it

Why are single women so scared to be alone?  Or at least be alone for the rest of our lives?  It’s because there’s never been a happy, fulfilling alternative to being in a couple presented to us.  We all believe that you grow up and couple up, there is nothing else, and if you don’t do this you’re going to end up sad and lonely.  You can’t even imagine spending the rest of your life happily alone because that scenario doesn’t exist in your mind and it really doesn’t exist in the mind of society as a whole.  This is why it’s so scary to ponder a life spent single.  It’s because you can’t even imagine it and frankly, you don’t want to.  You believe that a life alone will mean a life of sadness, loneliness and not getting what you want.  Who wants to imagine that?  So, you live in fear of being alone and as soon as someone halfway descent comes along, you’re all kinds of ready to settle for him.  I mean, it’s better than being alone, right?  But what if you could imagine a life that’s both single AND happy?  What if you could imagine creating your happiest, best life for yourself right now, complete with plans to get everything you want?  Surely, someone is doing this, right?  Yes, plenty of people are, including me, and we had to imagine it first before we could make it happen.  Don’t be afraid to picture a life of singlehood.  You can picture it any way you want, including ecstatically happy.  If you can dream it, you can do it.  This will get you past your fear of being alone and insure you don’t settle for someone out of fear.

You don’t need someone to complete you

Single does not equal incomplete.  You are not a sock.  You’re not just walking around looking for your mate so that you can be whole.  You’re whole on your own, which also means that you can have a whole life on your own.  You can make plans and set goals.  You can decide what you want out of life and start working towards it.  You can build a life for yourself in the same way you would build a life with someone else.  And the beauty is that your happiness is not dependent on the personality, behavior or actions of someone else.  It’s all you, baby!  In fact, if you set your life up exactly the way you want it and you’re living the happiest, best life you can possibly imagine, you guarantee that anyone who comes along and tries to insert himself into it will have to be absolutely amazing in order for you to let him.  You’ve got it going on, so if he doesn’t, then why would you let him in?  This is the best possible way to insure that you don’t settle.  Create your most rockstar life right now and you’ll be so amazingly happy that you won’t give settling a second thought.  There’s nothing in life that you can’t have as a single person.

Now that you understand where your fear of being alone comes from and why you’re so eager to settle for a relationship, you can realize that this doesn’t have to be the reality that you live.  I’ve shown you where the pressure is really coming from (centuries of societal norms) and why that creates fear within you.  I’ve also shown you how to create your best life so you can avoid the settle forever.  You now have the understanding to squash your fears, change your beliefs, and set yourself up to never consider settling for someone ever again!  Bam pow pow!

To help you figure out who you really are as you embark on your new solo journey, I’ve created a free download for you, “Who Are You Really?” that will help you determine what you want out of life so you can start creating your happiest, best life right now!

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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