woman confidently hiking alone

How to Have the Confidence to Be Happily Single

Why are you so scared to be alone?

Being afraid to be alone or scared to be single, especially for the rest of your life, comes from one thing and one thing only – a lack of confidence.  It’s a lack of confidence in your ability to create a happy life for yourself on your own, a lack of confidence in believing you’ll do just fine on your own and don’t NEED anyone, and a lack of confidence to live an “alternative lifestyle.”  Yes, living happily single is an alternative lifestyle and because of this fact it’s one of the reasons so many women have trouble with it.  You don’t want to live an alternative lifestyle, you want to live the same lifestyle as everyone else.  What you may not realize is that the coupled-up lifestyle can be fraught with just as much angst as the single one.  What you also may not realize is that when you’re on your own you have ultimate control over the quality of your life.  You have all the power to make choices for yourself that are going to insure you’re living your happiest, most authentic life.  It’s an awesome responsibility, but also an awesome opportunity.  And all you need is the confidence to get you there.  I’m going to show you where your fear of being single really comes from, how to overcome it, and how to be on your way to living your best life right now.  When you have confidence, you can do anything!

I don’t want to let other people down

If you’re like most people, you grew up believing that you were supposed to get married someday, or at least find someone to spend the rest of your life with.  These early messages probably came from your parent(s), and other family, friends, and society as a whole supported and reinforced that message.  If you now choose to be happy single, won’t that let a whole bunch of people down?  Your family and friends are all pulling for you to find someone and they expect you to keep trying until you do.  You hate to let people down, especially the people closest to you, and that’s where part of your fear comes in.  Announcing that you’ve decided to give up the search and try to find happiness on your own will be unsettling to others and it will be your fault they’re upset.  At the very best there will be people who wish you well but feel sorry that you’ve “given up,” and at the very worst there will be those who get angry with you, tell you you’re doing the wrong thing, refuse to accept your single status, and maybe even ostracize you.  Your confidence comes in realizing that it’s YOUR life you’re living and YOUR choice to do what you believe is going to make you happy.  You’re not responsible for living someone else’s dream for your life, you’re responsible only to yourself.  Yes, there will be some who aren’t happy with your decision, but when they see how confident you are in your choice, how much happier your life gets, and how “okay” everything is, they’ll come around.  You do you, and let them follow suit.

I want to be just like everyone else

Fitting in is one of those things that we never seem to give up desiring.  Even if you’re the type of person who marches to the beat of your own drum, you likely still want people to accept that about you.  This is a deep-seated need that goes way back to the dawn of time.  It was relevant to survival back then.  If you were outcast from your clan and kicked out of the cave, how would you survive “out there” on your own?  Getting along and fitting in was crucial to your very survival.  That’s not the case anymore, but we still desire to fit in so that we’re not outcast socially.  When you’re just like everyone else then the likelihood that you’ll be accepted goes way up.  Most people are married (or have been married) with kids, and if you’re not then you may find yourself being made to feel like there’s something wrong with you.  You may find yourself not included in certain activities or talked down to because you don’t have what everyone else has.  There are two ways to combat this.  First, have confidence in yourself and your situation, and secondly, surround yourself with people who are similar to you.  The first is much easier when you have the second.  If everyone in your circle seems to be married, find an additional circle.  There are plenty of online groups that will provide this for you (I have one, myself).  Then you will fit in and be just like everyone else in THAT circle!  Plus, you’ll gain the confidence to be yourself in your other circles and not feel like the odd woman out.  Who doesn’t want to accept someone who’s confident in who they are?

I can’t give up on something I’ve always wanted

The way we define “giving up” in our society is unfortunate.  We see it as a negative thing.  When we say that someone has given up, we’re meaning that they’ve given up taking care of themselves or given up engaging in life.  Giving up is equal to quitting and quitting is seen as failure in our society.  But quitting something that’s bad for you (smoking) is a good thing and giving up on something that isn’t working (a bad relationship) brings you relief.  Sometimes giving up is the best thing you can do for yourself.  That said, when you’ve been pushing toward a goal for year and years, and you feel it must be right around the corner, it seems impossible to give it up.  I never in a million years would’ve imagined myself throwing in the towel on dating and choosing to create a happy life for myself instead.  I was someone who had to find a relationship!  Even when I made this decision, I left the door open to dating.  I decided I was going to take a 6-month break to figure some things out and then come back to it.  I never did, of course, and it was because I realized how great being single and taking care of myself could truly be.  I didn’t give up, I simply chose a new goal to pursue and it has led to a world of happiness I never knew existed.  By letting go of an old goal, I now have the confidence to push forward in my new endeavor and you can, too!

Now that you see where your fears about being single really come from, all you have to do is let go of them to gain the gain the confidence to be on your own.  You can now see your singlehood as something that’s perfectly okay even though it isn’t just like everyone else.  You can change your thinking and the way you relate to other people as coming from a place of confidence.  You’re now equipped to move confidently forward with creating your happiest, best single life now!

Still need a confidence boost?  Get your “Your Single Mindset Self-Assessment” free download that will show you where your negative thoughts and lack of confidence in being single are coming from.  Once you know this you’ll be able to change those thoughts and rock your confident self!

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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