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How to Fall in Love with Yourself

7 ways to realize that YOU are the perfect partner!

Wow, the perceived need to “find someone” is incredibly strong.  I was reminded of this recently when faced with a couple of single girls who had stated that they were “perfectly happy” on their own.  I was so excited to have a conversation with these ladies since I, too, am perfectly happy on my own.  You rarely run into such folk and I was ready to dig in.  After chatting for a few minutes about some single girl stuff and having a few laughs, I found out that they both had upcoming dates for the weekend.  Wait, what?!  I thought they were perfectly happy on their own?  So, I asked about the dates.  One of them had a first date with a man she’d met on a dating app and the other had a date with a man with whom she was on-again-off-again.  Wait, what?!  I thought they were perfectly happy on their own?  What was one of them doing perusing the dating apps and the other hanging onto an on-again-off-again?  If you’re perfectly happy on your own, as I am, then why are you trying to date?  So, I said, “Hey, I thought you ladies where perfectly happy on your own!”  “Well, we are, but…”  Ah ha!  BUT!

How to get rid of the BUT (and I don’t mean doing squats!)

So, it’s not to say that you can’t be perfectly happy on your own and still date.  Dating can be fun especially if you have no expectations.  It’s getting to the “no expectations” that’s the tough part.  These ladies had NOT gotten there yet.  After further investigation, the one in the on-again-off-again was hoping that the man would come around and want something more with her.  This had been going on for years.  Yeah, good luck with that.  The other one admitted that while she was comfortable being on her own, she believed there was someone out there who would make her life better.  Okay, but if you’re looking for something more than what you have, then you’re not truly happy with what you have.  If you live in a home that you’re happy with, you’re not scanning the MLS listings.  If you drive a car that you’re happy with, you’re not cruising the lots.  If you have a job that you love, you’re not searching the listings on Indeed.

The way to get rid of the “but” and be able to say that you’re truly happy on your own is to fall in love with yourself.  If you’re in love with yourself and your life with you, then you’re no longer looking for something else.  The only time we look for things is when we’re not completely happy with what we have.  Maybe all we’re looking for is companionship and that’s fine, but it also means that we’re not completely happy just being on our own or with the companions we currently have.  So, how in the world do you fall in love with yourself?

7 ways to fall in love with YOU

  1. Get past the idea that you MUST find a relationship. Just because you’ve been told this since birth by everyone from your parents to your favorite TV show, doesn’t make it true.  You MUST have air, food, water, and shelter.  You’re not going to die without a relationship.  You CAN be perfectly happy without one.  There are multiple examples of single women out there who are perfectly happy on their own and who are rocking their lives!  If they can do it, you can, too.  Trust me, I know.  Getting this right in your mind will set you free!
  2. Get off the dating apps, kick the friend-with-benefits to the curb, and refuse to be set up. It’s difficult to fall in love with yourself while you’re still looking to find it outside of yourself.  This doesn’t mean that you have to give up on dating forever, just put it on hold until you know that you’ve found the love of your life – YOU!
  3. Recognize that you are an amazing person. You have the power within yourself to make your life any way you want it.  Owning this power and not assigning it to some future person who has yet to materialize will allow you to create the life that you’ve always wanted.  Waiting for someone to show up and then requiring them to make your life better is a recipe for a lifetime of disappointment.  YOU can do this!  YOU can make your life exactly the way you want it!
  4. Take care of yourself.   Eat right.  Clean your house.  Pay your bills.  Do these things for yourself because they make your life better. Take care of yourself as if you’re a child and your health and happiness depend on someone taking good care of you.  That someone is you!
  5. Do the things that make you happy. If you really look, there are many, many things that make you happy – going for a walk, taking a bubble bath, watching your favorite trash TV show.  Plan these things into your days instead of sitting there wishing for a relationship to show up and give you a life.  The more you do these things for yourself and with yourself, the more you’ll enjoy them and the more you’ll enjoy being with YOU!  If you don’t know what makes you happy, literally sit down and make a list.  You deserve to make you happy!
  6. Treat yourself the way you’d like to be treated by someone you love. Tell yourself that you’re beautiful every day (and believe it!).  Buy yourself little things that make you happy.  Plan something special for your birthday.  Buy yourself an extravagant birthday present.  Send yourself flowers.  Anything that you would expect of someone else, do for yourself.  Just because you’re not in a relationship with someone else doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t have what you want.
  7. Get some support. If you don’t have anyone to talk to about what you’re going through, the desire to cover it up with the Band-aid of dating will be great.  Read a book for single women who are on the same journey you’re on and/or find a support group with like-minded women.  My book, “Single Girl Bliss:  How to Stop Feeling Alone and Start Feeling Alive,” will guide you on your journey to self-love (http://lesliekaz.com/book ).  My group coaching membership will do the same and you’ll also get the support of an amazing group of women going through the same things you’re going through.  Email me at leslie@lesliekaz.com for more information.

Shameless plugs aside

The seven tips above are not just something I pulled out of the air.  They’re the exact things I did on my own journey from miserably single to happily thriving on my own.  When you put these tips into action you open up a whole new world to yourself that you previously didn’t know existed.  The beauty of falling in love with yourself is that you will never again find yourself saying, “Yeah, I’m happy on my own, but…”  Instead you’ll find yourself saying, “I’m blissfully happy on my own every SINGLE day!” 😉

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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