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How Happy are You on Your Own?

What to do when you think you’re doing okay, but maybe you’re really not

“Oh, I’m perfectly happy on my own, I’m just here because…”  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard statements start this way.  Even from my individual coaching clients.  So, you agreed to pay money and go through a 16-week program because you’re perfectly happy on your own?  It’s okay to admit that you’re doing less-than-okay on your own.  We’ve all been there.  What’s not okay is to deny that you need some support and continue to struggle when you don’t have to.  There’s a difference between having a bout of loneliness once in a while and living with it day in and day out.  There’s a difference between fantasizing about meeting your perfect person once in a while and obsessing over it.  There’s a difference between pretending everything is okay and knowing everything is okay.  In short, there’s a difference between single women who are truly happy in their singlehood and single women who just haven’t gotten there yet and need a li’l help.  Here’s how you can tell the difference between a temporary happy-single-girl setback, and when you really need to find some support and where to find it.  When you have the right support system in place, you can do anything!

I’m doing fine on my own. Are you really?

Do any of the following apply to you?  You’re telling others (and maybe even yourself) that you’re perfectly happy on your own, but…

  • You find yourself lonely a lot
  • You hate that you never have anyone to do things with
  • You’re too scared to take down your online dating profiles because the perfect person might come along right after you do
  • You tell yourself that you’re dating just to “see what’s out there” or you’re doing it “just for fun”
  • You find yourself far too interested in the fact that your bff’s cousin has recently become available
  • You don’t have a solid life plan for yourself because you’re not sure who you’re going to end up with yet
  • You feel guilty/ashamed/defective/weird/different because you don’t have someone

If you identified with any of these things then you’re likely struggling a bit with your singlehood.  Every single woman feels lonely once in a while.  Every single woman wonders what it would be like to have their perfect person from time to time.  And every single woman feels like her singlehood is a burden now and again.  But if these things are happening to you on a regular basis, it could be that you don’t have people to talk to about it who really understand.  A support network is extremely important to the single girl!

Support would be great, but where do I find it?

If you’re lucky, you have a loving, supportive family and lots of great friends who are always there for you when you need them.  This is what we all need, but especially when you’re single.  If your own circle falls short of this, and most people’s do, then it might be time to expand your circle.  Yes, it’s nice to have that guy friend who comes over and fixes things for you, but you can hire someone to do that.  What’s more important is having a group of single women who are going through the same things you’re going through and/or have been where you are.  When you can talk to your mom about anything and your married bff supports you in every way, that’s great, but do they really GET IT?  There’s nothing like talking to someone who’s been there and can give advice or is going through the same thing and can commiserate with you.  When you don’t have a network of single women friends or your network wants to spend their time whining about being single and checking out the dating apps, you gotta find your peeps!  There are plenty of online group coaching programs for single women where you don’t even have to leave the house.  And if you’re saying you don’t have the time or money, what’s an hour or two a week and a few dollars a month compared to your overall happiness and well-being?  In my book I have a whole chapter dedicated to building your support network and it’s because it’s so dang important!

I’m not into hand-holding circles!

A lot of times we feel like we need to go it alone on things because that’s what strong, confident, successful people do.  Would it surprise you to find out that almost every strong, confident, successful person out there is that way because they had a great support network behind them?  Do you think top professional athletes get that way by NOT having great coaches?  Do you think that top CEOs get there by NOT having a mastermind group to go over ideas with?  Anyone who’s successful has some sort of support network, and that includes women who are successful at being single.  The idea is to find the right group and you do that by trying one out.  If you’re not into touchy-feely, let’s-share-our-emotions-and-cry-groups, then find one that’s not like that.  In my own group coaching program, the members share their struggles, and get advice and support from both me and the other members in the group, but we also talk about other things in our lives, things going on that affect us as single women, things that make us angry or frustrated, and things that make us laugh out loud.  I always feel happier and more empowered when I get off the calls, and I’m the one leading the group!  When you’re in an environment like that it can’t help but boost you up no matter what.

So, are you really happy on your own or do you find yourself needing someone to talk to about single-girl things on a regular basis?  It’s okay to admit that you could use some guidance, especially when there are plenty of places you can find it.  Why go it alone when you can be much more successful with a support network?  If you’re interested in checking out my own group coaching program, please email me at leslie@lesliekaz.com, and I’ll be happy to provide you with all the details and answer any questions.

Still not sure if you’re doing well on your own or are struggling and don’t know it?  Take the, “How Happy Are You Single” self-assessment to find out where you stand and what to do next.  You can start right now to live your happiest, best life, no relationship required!

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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