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Happy Single Life Leads to Happier Relationship

What’s the best way to have a happy relationship? Get happy now!

It makes complete sense that a single person who’s happy, despite their singlehood, will make a happier partner, right? I mean, it shows that you can be happy even when you’re experiencing circumstances that you may not love. It also shows that you want to be happy no matter what. In addition, it demonstrates that you can roll with the punches and come out on top. Plus, it makes you not only not seem desperate, but not BE desperate. It makes you make better choices, not just in a future partner, but in everything in life. You’re not making choices based on your unhappiness or desperation. You’re making choices because you believe they’re actually going to make your life better and they’re the best thing for you. Often times we spend so much time and energy placing our happiness in the future that we forget to be happy now. Maybe you don’t even know how to be happy on your own. Or you think that if you’re happy single it will somehow repel potential suitors and you’ll end up single for the rest of your life. I can tell you that that’s not a terrible fate, but it’s also not what’s going to happen if you get happy now. Happy attracts happy. Healthy attracts healthy. Stable attracts stable. No matter what happens in the future, you owe it to yourself to live your happiest, best life right now. Here’s why.

Like Attracts Like

You’ve heard of self-sabotage, right? This is when you lose your job and then start eating everything in sight. Cuz that’ll help. Or an unexpected expense drains your saving account so you start running up your credit cards on shoes and bags. I mean, you can’t get ahead anyway, right? Or maybe work is incredibly stressful so you start downing a bottle of wine every night. When you’re unhappy, you don’t usually make the best choices. You do the thing that feels good right now, like eat or drink too much, buy stuff you don’t need, or even choose a partner who’s insanely wrong for you. When you’re unhappy, anxious, fearful and desperate, what kinds of choices do you make? You make ones that soothe you in the moment, like eating a whole chocolate cake. This is when you’ll choose to date someone who doesn’t deserve you and isn’t up to your normal standards. The problem is, the longer you date this person, the worse the unhappiness, anxiety, fear and desperation get. Now your self-esteem is taking a beating on a regular basis and you convince yourself that this person is the best you can do. That this person is all you deserve. You become a shadow of the real you and your life becomes a shadow of what you really want deep down. And you settle. Because what other choice is there?

Unhappy alone doesn’t equal happy together

I had a friend once who had been married for thirty years and found herself divorced and alone one day.  She wallowed in her aloneness for an entire year instead of taking charge of her life. One day a man asked her out and she gratefully accepted even though she knew he wasn’t what she was looking for. They spent three years together before she inevitably dumped him because, you guessed it, he wasn’t what she was looking for. When I asked her why she ever went out with him in the first place she told me it was because she wasn’t in a position to turn down an invitation. What?!!! Don’t be so grateful to be selected, be selective. This means spending some time on your own creating a happy life for yourself. And if you do, and if you get comfortable with who you are, and if you learn to enjoy your own company, and if you’re truly happy, you’ll be in a position to respect your own wishes for what you want in a mate. Going into something without understanding what true happiness is for you and without having experienced it, sets you up to accept something far less than what you truly want. How do you even know what you truly want, for that matter? Defining it now while you have the chance to focus on yourself 100% is how you’ll set yourself up for a happy relationship later, even if that relationship ends up being with yourself. When you’re truly happy, it won’t matter.

You have everything you need right now!

The point I’ve been trying to make is that the happier you are now, the happier you’ll be in the future. Either you’ll attract that absolute right person into your life and the two of you will live happily ever after, or you’ll remain single and live the amazing life you’ve been creating for yourself. You owe it to yourself to practice being happy right now. Not to mention, while single, you have the unique opportunity to do things that you may not have the opportunity to do once you’re in a relationship. Work on your career because you have the time. Backpack across Italy on your own because you can. Buy yourself a house. Expand your friendship network by adding some great people. Rent a house for a month in the Caribbean with your new girlfriends. Learn to speak French. Take up scuba diving. Now is the time to do all of this because you can focus all of your time and energy on yourself. And you’ll become the fabulous person you’ve always wanted to be. What if you met someone who had a great career, a circle of wonderful friends, a killer house, spoke fluent French, and had many many stories about their solo backpacking trip across Italy, the time they rented a house in the Caribbean for a month, and all the amazing underwater creatures they’ve seen while scuba diving? That’s what you’ll be setting yourself up to attract. And if that exact right person doesn’t come along, who cares? Look at the person you’ll have become. You’ll be living happily ever after with yourself for sure!

My wish for you is that one day when you’re in a great relationship you’re very happy and wouldn’t trade it for the world, but that you’ll also look back at your single life and think that was great, too! I hope you have a plethora of happy memories about all the things you did and learned and discovered that wouldn’t have happened had you been in a relationship or been obsessing over dating. I want you to have given yourself the power to have chosen, really chosen, to be in the relationship you’re in because it was something that made your amazing life even better!

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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