How your thoughts alone may be wreaking havoc on your life.
Have you heard the buzzword, “mindset?” It’s super popular in the self-development industry, but do you know what it means? Your mindset is all of the beliefs you have that determine how you view the world and yourself. A belief is just a thought that you’ve had over and over again until it’s become indisputable for you. The hardest part about being single is actually your own thoughts surrounding it – your mindset about it. That’s right, the hardest part is not having to kill spiders yourself, it’s your thinking. Your thoughts make up everything about who you are. If you’re sad, it’s due to your thoughts. If you’re happy, that’s also due to your thoughts. Your thoughts about yourself determine how you feel about yourself. Your feelings about yourself determine what actions you take in life and how you interact with the world. And your actions determine how your life will actually play out. But it all starts with your thoughts and that’s why it’s uber important to address them.
“…your car goes where your eyes go.” – Garth Stein, The Art of Racing in the Rain
The first step to getting your mindset right as a single woman is to take stock of what you believe about yourself today. Remember, your beliefs are made up of the thoughts that you’ve thought over and over again. If you’ve thought to yourself every day for the past twenty years, “My thighs are too fat,” then by now that’s not just a fleeting thought you’re having, it has become a belief for you. No matter what anyone else says or what the mirror may reflect to the contrary, you believe that your thighs are too fat and that’s that, dammit! Your current thoughts and beliefs are made up of everything that you’ve experienced up until now. If your parents told you over and over again that you were a terrible singer and they laughed when you said you wanted to join the school choir, then no matter how good you think you sound belting out “Jesse’s Girl” in your car, you’re not likely to do it in public unless you’re super drunk at a karaoke bar in another town. The thought, “I’m a terrible singer,” has become a belief for you and you don’t even have to consciously think it for you to know that it’s “true.”
Your beliefs create your life
What things have you thought over and over that have turned into beliefs for you about being single? Do you believe that you’re unlovable? Do you believe that there must be something fundamentally wrong with you because you’re STILL single? Do you believe that people look down on you because you “can’t find a man?” If you need help discovering these beliefs, here’s a free download to get you started. What makes these beliefs so dangerous, other than making you feel bad and being crappy things to think about yourself, is that you take action in your life based on these beliefs and those actions you take create your very existence! In other words, negative beliefs about yourself cause you to feel bad about yourself, which causes you to take faulty action in your life, which in turn causes you to lead a less-than-happy life. For example, if you believe that people look down on you because you can’t find a man, how does that make you feel? Well, it makes you feel inferior to everyone else. And what does feeling inferior cause you to do? It causes you to jump into any relationship you can possibly get just so that you can start feeling normal. And where does that action get you? It gets you into a hell of a lot of relationships that should’ve ended after the first date! To elaborate on this, it gets you into bad relationship after bad relationship, which kills your self-esteem and your self-worth, you get treated poorly, you put up with things you know you shouldn’t, you go through breakup after breakup, and what are you left with? A whole lotta nuthin’! Plus, people looking down on you because you choose losers and then put up with their crap. And weren’t you trying to avoid people looking down on you in the first place? Do you see the vicious cycle that negative beliefs get you stuck in? Our thoughts influence everything in our lives.
You gotta take responsibility here
As you get on the path to changing your thinking so you can change your life, the first step is to not only take stock of what you believe about yourself today, but also to take responsibility for it. Your life as it exists today was created by every decision you have ever made. That’s right, you and only you got you here. But what about all the less-than-desirable things that have happened to you that have influenced your life negatively? You’re an adult and you can choose what you think about those things and how you’re going to let them affect you. So, if you think you’re not happy, you must accept that the reason for that is you and your thinking. This is great news! What, it doesn’t sound like great news? It sounds like it’s all your fault? The reason this is great news is that first of all you can give yourself a gold star for all of the good in your life. Secondly, if you’re feeling that you’re less-than-happy, it’s also you who has the power to change that.
“I got the power!” – C&C Music Factory
It’s easy to blame your current situation on something outside of your control. For example, it’s easy to say, “I’m not happy because I’m alone.” However, as soon as you start blaming circumstances, you give up your power to change your life. It’s much more empowering to understand why you are where you are today, accept that you and only you got you here, and start making the necessary changes to live a happier life. It’s important that you understand why you’re not living the most blissful version of your life. For so many single women, the answer to that question is that you feel your real life begins once you meet your ideal mate and the two of you begin your life together. There is a reason we hang onto that thought instead of creating the life of our dreams right now and that reason is that it’s been a belief for us for so long.
Realizing that you have the power to change your thinking and thus change your beliefs about yourself is one of the most eye-opening things you’ll ever learn in life. And the subsequent feelings you have about yourself and the actions you take because of those feelings can completely change your life. Did you know that you can think anything you want? Let that sink in. You have the option of believing anything you want to believe, no matter what your parents taught you. No matter what society tries to influence you to believe. No matter what you have believed for most of your life. No matter what has happened to you or what you have done. This seems like a no-brainer, right? But it’s almost like we need permission to change our thoughts. Especially when a negative thought is so ingrained in us that it becomes a negative belief for us. It feels like we need a crow-bar to get it out of our brains. Here’s your crow-bar: I grant you permission to change your thinking, and next week I’m going to show you how to do it!
The first step is to take stock of your thoughts and beliefs. Get your “Your Mindset Self-Assessment” free worksheet and discover what beliefs you really have.
I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.
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