Get Over the Fear of Being Alone Forever

Focusing on that fear just gets you more of what you don’t want!

Have you ever heard the saying, “The car goes where the eyes go?” What it means, literally, is that whatever direction you’re looking while driving is the direction that your hands are going to steer the car. It’s how you manage to almost run the cute guy in the car next to you off the road while trying to check him out. The figurative meaning isn’t a whole lot different. It means that whatever direction you’re focused is where you’re going to go. Except that instead of talking about your eyes and your car, it’s talking about your brain and your life. Whatever your brain is focused on on a daily basis through your thinking, is what’s going to manifest into your life. So, if you’re focused on the horrifying thought of being single forever (oh, the humanity!) then what you’re focused on is lack. You perceive the absence of a partner to mean that your life is lacking in some serious way, and the Universe is just going to serve you up more lack in your life, whether it be the lack of a partner or the lack of anything else that you want. “Huh,” you say?  Let me explain…

I’ll have a happy life with a side order of fries, please

There have been many tomes written on how God/Source/Universe (whatever you want to call it) helps us in our lives. So I’m not going to go into great detail here about the inner workings of it. Suffice it to say that it exists and it’s here to provide you with what you want, but you gotta place your order and you gotta do it right. The Universe is like a computer – you tell it what you’re looking for and it will give it to you, but just like a computer you have to tell it exactly what you want in the right way, otherwise you’ll find yourself in a garbage in/garbage out situation. So, how do you tell the Universe what you want? Do you fill out a little order form like you do at the sushi restaurant? I’ll take two pieces of incredible wealth, two pieces of never-ending love, and four pieces of model body, with a starter of miso soup. No, you tell the Universe what you want through your thoughts.

Let’s use the example of food again (yay!). If you go to a restaurant and you order a turkey club with a side of fries, you can be pretty sure that you’re not going to get a pastrami on rye with a side of coleslaw. You were very specific about what you wanted and the waiter will bring you just that. The Universe works in the same way and you place your order with your thoughts. So, if I’m always thinking about all of the things I don’t have and all of the ways my life is lacking (called scarcity mindset), then I’m just going to get more scarcity and lack. I’ve placed my order with my thoughts and the Universal waiter has dutifully brought it to me. You don’t order a pastrami on rye if what you want is a turkey club.  Is it lunchtime yet?

Y’know who I love?  ME!

If what you’ve been focusing on is the lack in your life – lack of love, lack of happiness, lack of a Lexus – then the Universe will give you exactly that. You’ve got to get your mindset right before you can expect anything else in your life to change for the better. I’m sure you’ve heard people talk about “putting it out there.” What they’re talking about is putting it out there to the Universe. Telling the Universe exactly what you want and knowing that in one way or another you’ll get it. I’m going to give you a couple examples in case this is the first time you’re hearing about all of this and your head is spinning.

I first heard about the Universe and its power to make things happen for us about fifteen years ago from Dr. Wayne Dyer and his book “The Power of Intention.” Dr. Dyer basically says in that book that if you set your intentions (thoughts) on something and stick to them steadfastly, the Universe will provide. Great! So, I started down the merry path of setting my intention on finding the love of my life. The years went on and I read more books that touched on the Universe and its power to give. And I continued to focus my thoughts on finding the love of my life. Time wore on, relationships came and went, and still no Love of Life 1.0. I started to think that the whole thing was BS or that maybe it worked for some people, but not for me.

What I didn’t realize was that while placing my order with the Universe for the love of my life, I was also greatly focused on the fact that he hadn’t shown up yet. In addition, I was following up my order with actions that weren’t congruent with what I wanted. I was dating any old man who would have me and not saying, “Wait a minute, does this guy fill my order?” Eventually, I gave up my thoughts of scarcity and lack that surrounded the topic of love and wouldn’t you know it the Universe finally provided. In all of the time that I was searching for love outside of myself, I was stuck in a mindset of scarcity and lack so that it wasn’t possible for me to truly love myself. Once I gave up my scarcity mindset, the Universe said, “You want great love, you got it!” And what I found was the glorious love of self. That’s what had really been missing. And myself and I have been living happily ever after ever since. When you have a loving relationship with yourself, you have a loving relationship with the Universe because the Universe IS you, and the Universe will love you back and do everything it can to make you happy. No matter what higher power, if any, you believe in, it all comes back to YOU. The power is within you and works through you, which is why your relationship with yourself and loving yourself are so important.

Happily ever after

The moral of this story is that if you’re afraid to put out into the Universe your desire to be happy on your own because you believe that you’ll then be committing to a life of abject alone-ness, all you’re telling the Universe is that you don’t want to be happy. You’re telling it that you don’t want love in your life no matter what that love looks like. If you’re so afraid you’re going to end up single forever and so that’s what you focus on, then you’re putting in an order for fried misery sandwiched between slices of not-great relationships. Now, wouldn’t it be better to tell the Universe that you want to be happy regardless of your relationship status?

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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