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Can you embrace singlehood and still want a relationship?

Of course!  I’ll show you how…

I see you.  You really want to figure out how to be happy on your own and you really want to start living a happy single life, but you just can’t get past the thought that if you do then you’re giving up on love and you’ll NEVER meet someone! Maybe you even go through thought cycles where you convince yourself that you’re going to stop dating and just live happily single, but then you get scared and think, “Wait!  No!  I can’t give up!  I just need to find someone instead!”  I hear you because I was once there, myself.  One minute you fancy yourself as Samantha from Sex and the City and the next minute you’re frantically swiping away on the dating apps.  What are your choices here?  You can either throw yourself whole-heartedly into your single life or you can continue to write “Mrs. TBD” all over your notebook.  What if I told you that you can have both?  You can live a happy, fulfilling single life WHILE still desiring the right person to come along one day, even one day soon?  Are you ready to learn the 3 things that are keeping you from having it all?  Overcoming these 3 things is the key to being happy no matter your relationship status.  Read on to find out how to change your focus, give up without giving up, and start investing in yourself, now and for the future.  Regardless of where you’re at right now, you can use these tactics in order to have your cake and eat it, too!

“Put it out there” that you want to be happy no matter what

I’m sure you’ve heard that if you “put it out there” that you want something then you’ll get it.  “Putting it out there” really means that you’re placing an order with the Universe.  You’re telling the Universe what you want, you’re repeating it over and over, you’re believing with all your heart that you want and deserve this thing, you may even be picturing yourself having it, and all of this positive energy will draw this thing to you.  You are not wrong.  That said, if you fear putting it out there that you want to be happy single because you’ll then be repelling a relationship, you are wrong.  Single is a circumstance.  So is married.  If you’re placing an order for happiness with the Universe then you’re placing that order regardless of your circumstances.  You’re not saying you want to be happy single so therefore you never want to find a relationship, you’re saying that you want to be happy, and right now that means happy single because that’s what you are right now.  You’re actually telling the Universe that you want to make the best of everything, and then following that up that request with actions that support it, and the universe will reward you by giving you the best of everything, single or not.  In fact, you’ll be prepping yourself to make better choices when someone does come into your life and to have a happier outcome should you choose to make a life with that person.  If you start putting it out there that you want to be happy, single or not, then what you’re going to attract is happiness, while you’re single and one day when maybe you’re not.

Giving in to yourself doesn’t mean giving up on love

I always advise my coaching clients to give up “The Endless Search,” at least for a while.  The Endless Search is that day-in-day-out mind-numbing search for a mate that takes up most of your free time and mental energy, and crushes your will to live in the process.  My clients always agree that The Endless Search is soul-crushing, but sometimes they’re loathe to give it up because they’re scared it means they’re giving up on love.  You never have to give up on love!  You never have to give up the thought that one day the right person will come along and you’ll live happily ever after (it does exist!).  What you do have to give up is thinking that effort = reward.  This doesn’t seem to be the case when it comes to looking for a mate.  In fact, the more you search and the harder you try, the more desperate you get.  And the more desperate you are, the more likely you are to attract someone who preys on the desperate (a narcissist).  Who do you find yourself attracted to?  Someone who’s happy and has created a great life for themselves or someone who’s desperate and is expecting you to create that for them?  You can give up The Endless Search and start focusing on yourself and your own happiness without giving up on wanting the right person to come along.  In fact, when you’re focused on being happy no matter what, you almost guarantee that when that person does come along they’re the right one.

Throwing in the towel isn’t always a bad thing

Have you ever invested so much time and energy into something that if you gave it up without reaching your ultimate goal you’d feel like a failure?  The beauty of being a human being is that you get to choose your thoughts.  You can choose to believe that you’re a failure if you give up The Endless Search and that all the time you’ve put into it is wasted, or you can choose to believe that putting your time and energy elsewhere is actually going to bring you greater reward, both now and in the future.  Contrary to how some of us were raised, knowing when to throw in the towel is not a negative thing.  You’re not a quitter, you’ve just found a better way.  And all that time and energy you put into The Endless Search is not all for naught.  You learned things about yourself.  You learned things about the world.  Knowledge is never a bad thing and you can take that knowledge and apply it to your life.  What you don’t want to have happen is for you to get to the end of your life and say, “All I did was eat, sleep, work, and search endlessly for a mate, but I never gave up.”  THAT would be a waste!  It would be much better to say, “I finally gave up The Endless Search, focused on myself and my own happiness, created an amazing single life, and ended up finding the person of my dreams because of it.”  Remember, time invested in yourself can never be a waste!

Are you now ready to embrace your singlehood and start creating your happiest, best life without giving up wanting a relationship?  I’ve given you my go-to ways to start focusing on a happy single life and insuring that you maintain that happiness if and when you do meet someone.  All you have to do is shift your focus.  You now have the tools to place your order for happiness no matter what, attract the RIGHT person when the time comes, and focus your precious time and energy on creating a happy life for yourself.  It’s time to get after it!

Wondering where you can get help putting all of this into action?  Get my signature free download, “How to be Happy Alone Road Map” that will guide you through, step by step, and provide continued guidance, encouragement and support.  You can start right now to live your happiest, best life, no relationship required!

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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