happy-woman-in-field-of-flowers

All You Need to be Happy Single

You have it, even if you don’t know it yet!

The fairytales seem sweet and innocent enough.  Wouldn’t it be great if someone would come along and save you from all of your suffering?  If he would whisk you off to his castle in the sky to live happily ever after?  Expecting a relationship to come along and make you happy, though, is no different than expecting anything else to come along and make you happy.  Nothing outside of yourself can MAKE you happy.  It’s up to you to make yourself happy, and you and only you can do this.  I spent years thinking that if the right guy would just come along then everything would be great.  Somehow having this person in my life would make everything else that was “wrong” in my life suddenly better.  I used to tearfully beg and plead with the Universe to please make my soulmate come along so that The Endless Search could finally be over and life could be good.  See anything flawed with this plan?  Now is not the time to put on hold any plans of making your life better on your own because you believe that when HE comes along all will be well.

Yes, it’s still okay to want a relationship

I’m not saying that being in a loving, committed, mutually respectful relationship can’t enhance the life you’re living.  Of course it can.  Very much so.  IF it’s a loving, committed, mutually respectful relationship.  Even then it can’t solve all of your problems.  It can’t make your boss stop being an idiot.  It can’t smooth your cellulite.  And it can’t make your mother mind her own damn business already!  While a great relationship can do many things for you, it can’t turn you into the person you want to be.  No, I’m definitely not saying give up on love.  I’m saying give up The Endless Search.  The Search is torturous.  The Search sucks the life right out of you.  And the Search is pointless because if you’re going to find someone then it’ll happen regardless of The Search.  How much longer are you going to go on living a life you’re not happy with simply because you believe it’s not right without a man in it, so you’re loathe to give up The Search?  Months?  Years?  The time to get the life you want is right now.  Are you a “desperately searching for love” girl, or are you a “living a kick-ass life” girl?

You have everything you need right now!

The point I’ve been trying to make the past few weeks by exposing all of your negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, and scarcity mindset, is that those thoughts are what are keeping you bound in unhappiness, not your lack of a boyfriend.  So, what sets you free, then?  Changing those thoughts!  Changing your beliefs around being single.  Changing your mindset about who you are and what you want for your life.  And changing your actions so that you start living your happiest, best life.  You have everything you need to do this right here and right now.  You know that in order to change your life, you only have to change your thinking.  And you know that the actions that result from that change in thinking are what’s going to create your best life.  People think they’re the best versions of themselves when they’re in a relationship.  “You complete me,” and “You make me want to be a better person,” are lines that have perpetuated this belief.  Which is why it’s so difficult for us to picture a happy life without a relationship.  How can we possibly live our best lives on our own?  But the opposite can actually be true.  You have the ultimate power to create your best life and live the best version of yourself while on your own.  How’s that, you ask?  It’s because instead of relying on someone else to provide you with the life you want, giving away all that power, and then being disappointed when they can’t or won’t do it, you have all the power to create exactly the life you want.

Unhappy alone doesn’t equal happy together

I had a friend once who had been married for thirty years and found herself divorced and alone one day.  She wallowed in her aloneness for an entire year instead of taking charge of her life.  One day a man asked her out and she gratefully accepted even though she knew he wasn’t what she was looking for.  They spent three years together before she inevitably dumped him because, you guessed it, he wasn’t what she was looking for.  When I asked her why she ever went out with him in the first place she told me it was because she wasn’t in a position to turn down an invitation.  What?!!!  Don’t be so grateful to be selected, be selective.  This means spending some time on your own creating a happy life for yourself.  And if you do, and if you get comfortable with who you are, and if you learn to enjoy your own company, and if you’re truly happy, you’ll be in a position to respect your own wishes for what you want in a mate.  Going into something without understanding what true happiness is for you and without having experienced it, sets you up to accept something far less than what you truly want.  How do you even know what you truly want, for that matter?  Defining it now while you have the chance to focus on yourself 100% is how you’ll set yourself up for a happy relationship later, even if that relationship ends up being with yourself.  When you’re truly happy, it won’t matter.

No one is going to come along and give you a happy life

How is it even possible to enjoy waiting for someone to come along who makes your life better?  How do you even know when or if this person is going to come along?  And how much pressure are you putting on this person to make this happen for you, especially when they really can’t?  The waiting, the longing, the hoping, the doubt, none of this is fun.  What is fun is taking action in your life right now by changing your thinking and making it better on your own!  So stop waiting!  You’re not waiting for anything.  You’re changing your mindset about being single, which in turn is changing how you feel about yourself.  Your newfound mindset is driving your actions and creating your outcomes.  You’re creating the happiest, most fulfilling life you can within the circumstances that you’re in right now.  Know that if something comes along one day to change those circumstances, at least you didn’t waste your life waiting around for it.  You don’t want to ever say this to yourself, “While I was single I wish I would have…”  Because once you’re not single anymore, if that’s what you choose, there’s no going back.  Hopefully.  So live that best life NOW!  What’re you waiting for?

Leslie Kaz, coach for single women

I help single women get from where they are to where they want to be by overcoming their sadness and starting to live their best lives through mindset and lifestyle changes. Contact me to learn how it’s possible to live a single, blissful life.

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